Cocaine Bear

If you go down to the Chattahoochee-Oconee National Forest in 1985, you’re sure of a big surprise… as the titular character discovers, there’s plenty to unpack in Elizabeth Banks’ Cocaine Bear, a B movie likely to do A+ business due to some slick viral marketing and an audience hunger for fast, cheesy, silly, satisfying action. Landing somewhere around a 21 Jump Street era remake of William Girdler’s Grizzly (1976) and the classic B movie elan of Piranha (1978) or even the sainted nonsense of Anaconda (1997), Cocaine Bear manages to skip the hurdles that brought Snakes on a Plane crashing down when it came to getting bums on seats; it’s more than just a set of internet-ready memes.

So what are we talking about when we talk about Cocaine Bear? While the stylings are very much retro 80’s, right down to a needle drop for Jefferson Starship’s Jane, Banks’s film skews towards teenagers who are likely to be lured by the blunt drug reference of the title. But Cocaine Bear turns out to be a tricky proposition; it’s a monster movie, but one where we pivot to sympathise with what we’re told is an ‘apex-predator, high on coke, out of its mind’ . This lovable ball of fur turns out to be, spoiler alert, a mommy bear protecting her babies, a family unit who become increasingly easy to root for as some sub-sub-Coen Bros crime-movie shenanigans unfold around them. Early on; there’s a very distressing shot of mom, having ingested a tonne of Bolivian marching powder, banging her head off a tree; surely nothing bad is going to happen to these poor little bears?

Rest assured, the bears all come out on top, but first, this put-upon mom quickly succumbs to the most powerful desire caused by cocaine; the desire to find and ingest even more cocaine, and carnage results. On the scene randos include two missing children, high on the devil’s dandruff, with their worried but resourceful mom Sari (Keri Russell) in pursuit, plus tough cop Bob (Isiah Whitlock Jr) and inept Ranger Liz (Margot Martindale); ‘If it’s brown, lay down. If it’s black, fight back.’ is the adage mentioned here, but a full-grown bear fresh full of gak doesn’t play by any rules of engagement so you’d pretty much done if this thing catches up with you by, say, jumping through the back doors of a speeding ambulance …

Also converging on the scene are a business-end ching-dealer Syd (the late Ray Liotta, going out with a bang here), plus his unfortunate son Eddie (a surprise re-union for Alden Ehrenreich with his original Han Solo team Phil Miller and Christopher Lord) and Eddie’s fixer partner Daveed (O’Shea Jackson Jr). There’s a tense gazebo stand-off, and also a gang of wannabe thugs who come to various gruesome ends; the grizzly gore keeps a hip edge on any potential for sweetness. After struggling in big budget movies, Ehrenrich and O’Shea (Ice-Cube’s son, no less) work well together in their comeback vehicle, and have a nice 70’s movie scuzz about their working relationship.

With White Lines saved for the closing credits. Cocaine Bear does lose a little buzz as night falls and the story becomes sillier and sillier, but it never outstays its welcome, with crowd-pleasing highlights and goofy black humour. Unlike some other bears, Cocaine Bear is a proper pop-culture icon of our time. She sure didn’t sign up for this, but protects her family, she fights her corner, and eventually sends the human race packing into the woods; Cocaine Bear vs MEGAN next please, we just can’t get enough of Cocaine Bear…