‘I fought 167 men and only one survives. And he has no legs!’ is a representative sample of the ear-burning dialogue featured in Richard Fleisher’s slice of 1985 sword and sorcery buffoonery. A proud entry in the so-bad-it’s good film selection, Red Sonja somehow took Arnold Schwarzenegger, red hot on the back of The Terminator, and cast him in a violent action role that absolutely no-one wanted to see.
Perhaps that’s because Arnie plays second fiddle to Brigitte Neilsen as Red Sonja, a wild barbarian warrior who looks like she’d kick ass except for constantly needing to be rescued by the muscle-bound Kalidor (Arnie). ‘He’s a real man,’ Red Sonja simpers, totally letting the air out of the balloon in terms of her being tough. Kalidor and Red Sonja have more than a few obstacles to overcome, notably the ever-villainous Ronald Lacey.
But Red Sonja is elevated to the status of high art by the performance of Sandhal Bergman as Queen Gedren of Berkubane, who arrives complete with her sidekick Ikol. Complete with a giant pet spider and a goofy-looking sorcerer on call, Hyberian Queen Gedren talks like a Vegas showgirl, seems to have a DJ in a booth as part of her royal court, and is one of the cattiest characters ever to appear on film; her every appearance provokes mirth.
Red Sonja was co-written by the great historical novelist George Macdonald Fraser, and there’s some memorable flashes of imagination in the visuals, including skeletons of beast gone by, although the central foe in the form of fish/machine/monster is a complete hoot. Watching Arnie enthusiastically wrestle this rubbery creation in a large foot-bath, it’s hard to begrudge the star a successful future in politics; he seems like the working definition of a good sport.
Digitally de-aged.
Sandahl Bergman was a showgirl. She was in All that Jazz and before that a short for Bob Fosse. What a career – lead role in a sci fi version of She and after Red Sonja a little number called Stewardess School. See if you can spot her in this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZH4VjhMJQys
I’m one jump ahead of you, I had to do a guest announcer gig at Kelvingrove Bandstand for the Commonwealth games, and this was my inspiration….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vkJFj_YzFXw
You look pretty young there
If I can sit through the original Conan, then I don’t see why Red Sonja should be any more difficult.
If it’s free on prime, I’ll probably give it an eyeball some day…
I’d say that is 3 and a half out of four which makes it official; Red Sonja is the greatest film ever made.
Nope.
I’m using my “Contrary” card….
The ramifications are immediate and consequential. Red Sonja is not the best film ever made. Fact!
fACt!
and also, that means I’m out of Contrary Cards til the new year. I better not like any other films you review for the rest of the year….
I’m reviewing John Wick twice a day until March.
Well shoot. If Fraggle likes even one of those reviews then John Wick will, by default, become the Greatest Movie of All Time.
What have you done!?!?
The wheels are in motion, the die is cast.
If I roll double 1’s three times in a row, then I’ll know your die are loaded, not cast.
There are no ones on my die. They only have even numbers. Psychic Grandma saw you coming!
and foiled again!
I’ll get you though, and your little Psychic Grandma too….
Absolutely agree, masterful badgoodery!
Finally I have found a film to unite the world!
We’re missing 1 of 4!
Wut?
Oh, I get it, the Captain will have the casting vote…
Kind of tense but I’m sure he’ll come breezing in when his deliberations are complete…
Now this is more like it. Quality programming.
I think we can agree that this is a genuine classic and no questions need to be asked; Queen Gedrun’s relationship with her giant spider is one for the ages…
I haven’t watched this film in years, 80’s royalty right there.
It’s a proper masterpiece of bad film-making, and I’ll happily die on this hill defending it! It’s comedy gold!