It’s the time of year for prizes, but awards are rarely a good barometer of quality. The exception to this venerable rule is when I get awards, in which case I find them to be an accurate barometer of popular thought and a lightning-rod that deserves respect and adulation in equal measure. When other kids dreamt of winning Oscars, I dreamt that one day I would be listed as one of Screench Top Movie Critics, and indeed, this now has come to pass with a Top 30 Listing in the latest worldwide standings. While I can think of plenty of better deserving critics than myself, it’s a genuine honour to be alongside such renowned staples as The Jam Report, The Massie Twins and B&S About Movies; for those keen to know more, the complete rankings are at https://screench.com/critics-rating.html
Obviously, I’d like to thank the Academy, but my imaginary reader will also know that such laurels are hard won, and that every day I face a constant rain of molten excrement in the form of a small minority of aggressive commenters who are hell-bent on cancelling the critical content of my website. It would seem appropriate that I should be both humble and magnanimous in the face of my recent, timely elevation to the Pantheon of the greats, and that I should somehow find the right words to build bridges and heal rifts with those I have quarrelled with. But instead, I’ll say ‘Suck it, freaks!’ Hahaha! Losers!’ and carry off my trophy before the hail of rotten cabbages chases me from the spotlight….