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The Film Authority Wins Yet Again!


It’s the time of year for prizes, but awards are rarely a good barometer of quality. The exception to this venerable rule is when I get awards, in which case I find them to be an accurate barometer of popular thought and a lightning-rod that deserves respect and adulation in equal measure. When other kids dreamt of winning Oscars, I dreamt that one day I would be listed as one of Screench Top Movie Critics, and indeed, this now has come to pass with a Top 30 Listing in the latest worldwide standings. While I can think of plenty of better deserving critics than myself, it’s a genuine honour to be alongside such renowned staples as The Jam Report, The Massie Twins and B&S About Movies; for those keen to know more, the complete rankings are at

Obviously, I’d like to thank the Academy, but my imaginary reader will also know that such laurels are hard won, and that every day I face a constant rain of molten excrement in the form of a small minority of aggressive commenters who are hell-bent on cancelling the critical content of my website. It would seem appropriate that I should be both humble and magnanimous in the face of my recent, timely elevation to the Pantheon of the greats, and that I should somehow find the right words to build bridges and heal rifts with those I have quarrelled with. But instead, I’ll say ‘Suck it, freaks!’ Hahaha! Losers!’ and carry off my trophy before the hail of rotten cabbages chases me from the spotlight….


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    • As you can see from the comments, not everone was so pleased for me, but I don’t take these things too seriously!

      • That’s a good attitude,and glad you took my Crackerjack comment just as not seriously. I can’t understand why people have to be like that. But know I do enjoy your dark humour, review choices and that you are fellow Scot. I felt that at its best, when I read my first of your posts when you too called Jacobi out for doing a Noel Edmonds in The Medusa Touch!

    • Such a positive, magnanimous tone! Always willing to see the best in any situation, eh Bunty? What are you trying to insinuate? I’m more than willing to share my unexpected good fortune with you all!

    • I would have to assume the most august body imaginable. Their website looks good, and they seem to know what they’re talking about…I’m guessing a hugely influential body with global reach and massive cultural influence…we’re all blonde in some way!

      • I don’t understand this response… what is the most august body imaginable even mean? I am pretty tuned into what is out there so not having heard about it is strange..nor does it say anything on their site of what they are..

        • What do you think they are? There’s a note from them in the comments that says more about what they say they’re doing.

          • clearly I don’t know what they are – hence the question.. sorry i didn’t scroll through all the comments as I assumed the info would be on their actual site. silly me! hahahahah

            • Not at all. They could be data mining pirates. Or promoting their own website. There’s lots of peer awards in WordPress, I’m not sure there’s much harm in it from my experience. But yes, I was clearer for reading that comment. Maybe they’re rounding up all critics and throwing them into a pit to fight to the death. We’ll find out.

  1. I know the feelings you express here. When one realizes that one is the the best, well, it can go to one’s head, but that is totally deserved.
    As THE top Book Reviewer, I applaud you for this award.

  2. Congratulations! There’s nothing more fun than second guessing award shows and screaming about your faves that got robbed. But in this case, I’m glad they got it right…….!

    • Hahaha! I felt lucky when I aced Alex’s film quiz yesteday, winning it fair and square too.
      I’m almost tired of this now, this non-stop cavalcade of adulation and glory, there’s just SO MUCH WINNING!

      • In all honesty, I believe you probably made up this award to corrupt your innocent followers into believing that your some sort of God. Well, you haven’t fooled me or any of the more savvy readers out there. One day you’ll be found out, my friend. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But one day…

        • Hardly magnanimous words! The green-eyed monster of jealousy, I think, is speaking for you. No placing as yet for your blog or for Alex’s scribbings, but they haven’t announced placings for the top 10,000 yet, I’d imagine there’s a booby prize for last position if you wait long enough, like a Golden Raspberry or something like that. Adios, also-rans!

            • And where exactly are you on the list of great and good, hmmm? Hahaha Bunty! These are the power elite, the most eligible, the top dogs, the big kahunas, the big bananas. Nothing fictional about success, it’s real, it’s sadly clear you have no experience of it as yet….

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